Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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