lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize