I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
