just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can you bring me the toilet please
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
