You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
