I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
