I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
