Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just gargled with NyQuil
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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