spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
