I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize