I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
