Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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