what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
