omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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