Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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