I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
