fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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