I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She's the barista slut.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
