Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
