i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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