please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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