Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
