In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
