im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
BRING THE BAGELS
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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