Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
