if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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