does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
