woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
