ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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