well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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