So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
