It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
