shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
