Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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