this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
