i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
