No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
