I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I did not marry a roomba.
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