Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
