Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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