I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
