if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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