ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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