I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I understand Curling. That high.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
