So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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