I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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