He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
