Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You work out of a Hotel?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize