so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
