bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
