I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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