I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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