When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
