My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
