Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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