I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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