Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
