I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
