You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize