Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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