I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
