But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
