Where did you get a picture of my penis
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
