I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
