one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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