I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
