this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
