Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
