just come out here and I will go home with you...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
