I think i peed on brittanys purse
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have aggressive nipples.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize