I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
