i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
